Vampires Suck

The Twilight saga has many parodies out but one finally makes it to the big screen today and how bad can it be? Well its big name stars are Diedrich Bader and Ken Jeong who I like and the film makers do follow the ridiculous plot of the movies and novels so I guess the only difference between a cult tween phenom and a spoof are the cast and the producers - and yes it is gloriously bad just like the Stephanie Myer shiny vampires.

There are a few great sucker punches to the source material as future plot points are given away, Jacob's pack is really a pack of gay chihuahuas, and father Frank likes inflatable women. They even take on the fact that key characters from the films where replaced a la Bewitched's Darren.

Like I said these genre parodies almost always suck but at least we get to see the smoking hot Arielle Kebbel as another vampire babe even if it was not as good as her role as Lexi in The Vampire Diaries.

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Piranha 3D

Remakes are the staple of the horror genre at the moment with 3D being the new marketing strategy so it was a given that a remake of a classic horror 3D film was going to have to happen sooner or later and today it is here. For this new outing we get better 3D, more tits and ass, and buckets of vibrant red gore that puts the original to shame even if the piranha are not really any more realistic with the CGI enhancements.

But this time out it is a prehistoric version of the classic piranha that terrorizes a lake front community as it is over run with students on spring break and the local sheriffs played by Elisabeth Shue and Ving Rhames are out to save the revelers with the help of Adam Scott and Christopher Lloyd as the resident scientists. But if they can save the spring breakers and stop the piranha will the threat be over?

Althought Playboy's September 2010 cover girl, Kelly Brook, is the red bikini hottie getting our tongues wagging it will be the head splattering demise of Eli Roth that will get my fellow horror fans howling - all a must see in my book.

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Carnivale

Since being on vacation this week I finally got the chance to watch this HBO series that I have always heard good things about and seemed to be up my alley. The essence of the show is a showdown between good and evil with a whole lot of gray in between where miracles can be done but a balance has to be maintained - in order to give life, one must take life. I have always been a fan of Clancy Brown ever since his role as The Kurgan in Highlander and his role as the corrupted Brother Justin Crowe was fun to watch unfold. It was great to see some of my genre favorite actors making up the carnies like Adrienne Barbeau, Patrick Bauchau, and Michael J. Anderson along with other mainstay and indie actors like Nick Stahl, Clea DuVall and Tim DeKay. Too bad it only got two full seasons but they did close the current series story arcs with a hook for a possible continuation which would have made for a really interesting start to a third season.

Click here to check out the series weekly lead in.

The Expendables

With the action star line up of this film you have to know what you are getting and it lives up to expectations. The story is good but it ain't Shakespeare, the action if violent and fun to watch, and each star gets their moment in the spotlight but with enough comedic banter to make it not seem that anyone was trying to out do the other. Jason Statham seems to be the one star to rise to the top with the best subplot and the most screen time. The barbs that are tossed back and forth between Stallone, Willis and Schwarzenegger are great and show they do have a sense of humor about their reps which is great to see. Kudos to Sylvester Stallone on another fun action film and hopefully the band will get back together again for an encore.

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Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore

Where as the first movie, Cats & Dogs, had the great voice cast and a really good plot for a kid's movie this movie's plot is really weak and the voice cast really cannot save it. This time out our villain Kitty Galore, voiced by Bette Midler, is trying to take down both the secret agencies of the Cats and the Dogs who must join together to stop the rogue former agent. The one hilarious highlight of the film is the return of Mr Tinkles, voiced by Sean Hayes, in a Hannibal Lecter inspired role to help the agencies bring down his unworthy successor. The best take away from the film was the Shirley Bassey cover of P!nk's Let's Get This Party Started - a great cover of the song hands down. You may get suckered in to seeing this by your children but remember I warned you first.

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Step Up 3D

As I admitted to my co-workers I do like dance movies - even the bad ones - and I have seen Step Up 2: The Streets so why not see this one. First off 3D adds nothing to the movie but makes the cool dance moves look cartoonish which is hopefully not what the film makers were looking for - not everything needs to be done in 3D people. One of my favorite characters, Moose played by Adam G. Sevani, is back in this sequel and his story line is the strongest one in the film and the dance sequence with Alyson Stoner in the street is fun to watch. The plot is nothing new and the focus of the film are the battles which are fun with the cool robotic slam sequence from the trailer still being my favorite. If you like these types of films then check it out but don't be suckered in just because it is in 3D.

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The Kids Are All Right

Annette Bening and Julianne Moore star as same sex parents with their oldest child getting ready to head off to college but before she can head out her brother wants her help to find out who their mutual natural birth father is much to their parents surprise. I was intrigued to see this movie based on the trailer and was glad that it did not disappoint. The movie portrays family in a very realistic light, with all its troubles and complications, but all the time honestly with gay parents making for an interesting perspective that is not really different from other family types. A good drama with great comedic moments that come up naturally from the situations. Thanks to Lisa Cholodenko for writing and directing a very good movie that everyone should make a point of seeing and hopefully they will enjoy it just like I did.

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The Other Guys

Will Ferrell movies tend to be hit or miss with me but I am happy to say this one hits home. Allen Gamble and Terry Hoitz, played by Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg, try to fill in the gap when the two super cops of their department, played by Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne Johnson, die in pursuit of criminals by ridiculously jumping after them from the top of a building because they think they are invincible. The rest of the cast includes Michael Keaton as the Police Captain who an odd second job, Eva Mendes as Allen's unbelievably hot wife, and Steve Coogan as the investment broker trying to save his own ass before those he has slighted can get him. For a comedy it has a good plot that holds up amongst the antics with a few good plot turns. If you need a good laugh and missed Dinner For Schmucks, this is a good second choice.

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Dinner for Schmucks

Paul Rudd stars a Tim who must bring an idiot to a monthly dinner hosted by the executives at his company for their entertainment with a prize going to the best dinner guest. Tim crashes in to Barry, played by Steve Carell, who does dioramas featuring mice, who he convinces to be his guest at dinner but has a change of heart when they actually become friends. The comedy is good with only a few ridiculous moments that are a bit distracting and over the top. The dinner guests are hilarious and played by comedy regulars Jeff Dunham, Zach Galifianakis, Chris O'Dowd, and Octavia Spencer. A good ensemble comedy that is worth checking out and who knew dead mice could be so cute and heart warming.

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Charlie St. Cloud

I had no desire to see this movie after being inundated with the never ending trailers for it and I believe I also got free advanced screening passes that I let go but I had time to kill time today due running late to the theater to see Dinner for Schmucks due to the never ending weekend maintenance on the DC Metro's Yellow line. Zac Efron stars as Charlie who loses his brother in a car accident and gives up going to college and his career as a sailing champion to keep a promise to his brother's ghost to play catch with him every day. The movie plot is a bit hokey but scripted well enough to suspend disbelief until the reveal is made. Efron is a decent actor and does deliver a good performance but it seems like this should be a Lifetime movie versus being on the big screen. Not a bad movie but not my cup of tea so I would say rent it for date night and you would be fine.

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Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Not being at San Diego Comicon this year was a drag especially with all the pics coming out about this film but at least I lucked in to an advanced screening and man is it totally awesome! This movie is very stylized and if you grew up with video games then the hook is set and the movie adheres to the rules of the game and the defeating of the big bosses. Basically Scott, played by the every popular Michael Cera, falls for Ramona, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead, who must defeat her seven evil ex's, who are know as the League of Evil Exs, to be with her. The movie is fun, the music rocks, he game inspired final fight sequences are amazing and Kieran Culkin is so friggin' hilarious he steals all the scenes he is in hands down. The director, Edward Wright, hits another home run for gamers just like he did for zombie fan's with Shaun of the Dead and I can't wait to see what he does with Marvel's Ant-Man.

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Salt

Angeline Jolie has been everywhere else except on the big screen since 2008's Wanted but that drought is now over with the release over her latest action thriller costarring Liev Schreiber. Salt is a CIA Agent who must go on the run after being accused of being a Russian sleeper agent by a defecting Russian spy but is she really trying to save her husband or carry out some deep covert operation after breaking free from CIA HQ? As expected the action is fun and the effects are top notch with some killer fight sequences delivered by Jolie and her stunt team. The plot is good and the twists are decently hidden but not completely for those paying attention. If you are a Jolie fan then this is a must see film with the final villain's death scene a joy to behold - I can still here the snap!

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Manimal

The trip down sentimental lane brings me back to another beloved TV show of my youth that hooked me because the main character could change in to any creature at will to save the day with creature effects brought to us by the late Stan Winston. The show does not hold up as expected, and to be honest it is quite bad which is why it only got eight episodes, but the effects are what hooked me and the transformation in to a panther, hawk and snake were very cool given what was being done as special effects on TV at the time with the late William Conrad providing the series narration. Yes they recycled the effects constantly but I didn't care - hell I was only thirteen at the time - and besides Melody Anderson was a babe. As for Simon MacCorkindale, aka Professor Jonathan Chase aka the Manimal, also stared in another fun film that year when 3D was popular for horror films in the early 80s - Jaws 3-D. NBC may have struck out on this show back in 1983 but it will always be an in the park home run for me and part of my youth's horror inspired wellspring that I still revel in.

Click here to see the tv show's weekly intro.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

For a movie inspired by a segment from the 1940's Walt Disney animated film, Fantasia, that featured Mickey Mouse, Jerry Bruckheimer and Jon Turteltaub deliver a fun little movie that will go over well with the kids and has some great homage moments for us bigger kids even if the classic mop and bucket scene is just a bit to cartoonish. Jay Baruchel, who is a dead ringer for a human version of Mickey, stars as the apprentice to Nicolas Cage's sorcerer who must stop the return of Morganna LaFey, played by genre favorite Alice Krige, who wants to raise up her long dead followers to destroy the world as we know it if evil sorcerer Horvath, played by the always sinister Alfred Molina, can break her from her imprisonment. The visuals and effects sequences are kinda cool as you would expect in a Bruckheimer production and do over shadow the plot but this is what I expected. The high point for me was seeing the beautiful and sensuous Monica Bellucci, from such films as Shoot 'Em Up and Brotherhood of the Wolf, in a Disney family film even if it was a small part. Not a bad movie to see during a weekend matinée with the kids but there are better films out currently to spend you money on.

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Inception

There are very few writers/directors that always bring their "A" game to the big screen like Christopher Nolan who shoots and scores without any disappointment in his latest thriller that delivers on the fantastic that we have been waiting for as glimpsed in the trailers. I am not going to go in to the plot because you already know it is going to be great and half the fun of a Nolan film is being sucked in to the plot twists and nuances with amazing visuals that blows your mind ands never trumps the story or the characters but lays the foundation for an immersive movie going experience like no other. The casting is superb which includes Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page, who both seem to have the Midas touch when selecting film roles, Michael Caine a Nolan regular, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who seems to be finally making in to the big films after a very successful run of indie films. As much as I enjoyed Predators last week, I do have to admit this film floored it and I expect to see it rake in the big bucks this summer based on the huge cross-section of patrons I saw packing the theater at the 10 A.M. matinée. Nothing else to say but go see this film - hell see it twice!

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Predators

Although I liked the idea of Aliens versus Predators when it came out in the comics several years back it never did live up to my expectations of the films and it did not do justice to either franchise but thank goodness for producer Robert Rodriguez and director Nimrod Antal who deliver us a new action-packed thriller that restores the Predators back as the bad asses we came to love from the original 1987 movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. From the opening sequence where we find Adrian Brody waking up as he is free falling to the Earth and lands quite painfully to instantly being joined by other falling bodies, some live and some die in the fall, fully armed and with no idea as to why they are here or how they got there but they all know they need to figure this out quickly if they are to survive. The plot is simple, straight forward, and compact with just the right amount of special effects to deliver the tension and carnage we all came to see. I never think of Adrien Brody as an action guy but I will be damned if he does not pull it off convincingly like he did in King Kong but this time covered in mud instead of being chased by stampeding dinosaurs. I will have to go out on the limb an say that this is the must see action film for the summer of 2010 that every one should see and will love and it is the film Predator fans have been waiting for for a long time.

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Despicable Me 3D

The animated kids movie that has been hyped all year long and stars the voice talents of comedy regulars Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Will Arnett, Russell Brand, and Kristen Wiig has finally made it to the theater and it is funny and I dare say a bit heart-warming even with the umpa lumpa like minions. Gru, voiced by Carell, is our evil genius who is being eclipsed by the heists of his Spy vs Spy rivalry with Vector, voiced by Segel, and sets his sights on stealing the moon with the aid of three little girls he adopts to help him steal a device to make his scheme a reality. The animation is top notch but not up to Pixar's benchmark and the story is good but there is no real benefit from seeing this in 3D so save your three dollars. The movie trailers featuring the bursting of the kid's balloon animal and the freezing of the guests in line at the coffee shop are literally the openibg sequences of the film but like in all trailers some things are left out so the boy does not show back up to get his revenge on Gru as you would expect. A good family outing at the movies is to be had here and plenty of laughs for dad with a great fart joke set up by Brand's character Dr. Nefario - who doesn't like a good fart joke?


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The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

The forever tween vampires and shirtless werewolves are back this week to rake in more of the cash from the Stephenie Meyer's rabid fan base. Just like in the books this is were the story starts to actually get interesting and deliver for us horror fans that actually want some horror in our stories. We finally get a combined vampire and werewolf royal rumble as they go up against Victoria, played this time out by Bryce Dallas Howard, and her new born vampire army while the Volturi are coming to check on Bella to see if she has been made in to a vampire yet by Edward. The royal rumble is fun to watch but ultimately unsatisfying because all you get are shattered vampires all over the place but not a single drop of blood spilled except for Bella cutting herself to distract a set of vamps attacking a new werewolf cub and Edward trying to protect her. This will be the big movie of the July 4th weekend and is so far the best in the series if you like sparkly vamps and unconsummated teenage lust.

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The Last Airbender 3D

M. Night Shyamalan is back with the big screen adaption of an anime favorite that features the return of the Avatar who is destined to restore balance between the nations of the elements: Earth, Air, Fire and Water. The best thing about most anime is that it is not just for kids but Night seems to have taken all of the adult interest out and condensed it down to an anemic story with a few iconic scenes, all found in the trailer of course, with no form of character development that is instead handled by narration. M. Night built his career on having fantastic characters that you care about in great films like The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, and Signs but seems to have left that all behind for just simple telegraphed plot twists as in The Village and The Happening. Also, the 3D adds nothing to the film and justs works to take $3 out of you wallet that you could have spent towards a soda or popcorn - from me its the Producer's Combo - a large soda and two hot dogs with ketchup and mustard. Although not an avid fan of the anime series like some of my friends, I did have high hopes for this film in the hands of M. Night and am sorry to say those hopes where dashed again and recommend a pass on this to rent it later so you can save your $10 bucks to spend elsewhere this July 4th weekend.

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Mary Poppins @ The Kennedy Center

As part of an annual traditional, or expectation :), I bought tickets to this show for my good friend Sharon to celebrate her birthday. The production was spectacular with amazing wire work for the chimney sweep number and the farewell of Mary as she leaves the Banks family because she is no longer needed. Normally having little kids behind me in a theater talking during the performance drives me nuts but the little girl behinds us was so enthralled and mesmerized by the show that it was just plan adorable. Mary Poppins, played by Caroline Sheen, and Bert, played by Gavin Lee, are wonderfully cast and deserved their standing ovation at the final curtain call. As always, the Kennedy Center gets some great Broadway performances and this is definitely one you and your family should see before it closes on August 22nd.

Click here to get information on the Kennedy Center production.